Knowing that I have plans to get married, Papa got me books (from the library) to read on how to be a better person, as a Partner and as a future Mother (he thinks very far).
These books have helped me tremendously. I control my actions and consider my partner’s feelings before I shoot scarsms. I know i seem gentle and smiling laughing all the time, but periodically, i do have short fuse.
I stumbled on this site and would like to share with you 10 Ways We Hurt Our Relationship written by Dustin M. Wax. It’s really logical! Here’s my interpretation of his pointers:
1. You’re playing to win. Why should partners be competing against each other; who has the last word, who has the bigger share in the wardrobe, who drives the car, who should get more attention, etc. Isn’t relationship about “WE”? doing things together, share spaces, inspire each other, etc..
2. You don’t trust. If you don’t trust each other, why be together? Everybody knows it’s the 101 fundamental of any relationship.
3. You don’t talk. I have a hard time expressing myself. Sometimes i dont express and keep it all inside, and sometimes i am not able to express myself clearly to be understand. In other words, i learnt bottling just made it worse. I keep it all and release it with a big bomb when i reach my brim. and it always make things uglier than it should be.
4. You don’t listen. thank god i found someone puts in effort to listen.
5. You spend like a single person. You are commited but you hide your partner from everyone. I’ve been through that before. not a great feeling. He goes out party and i sit at home waiting for his call. It’s unfair. Then you don’t buy gifts, chip in to the commitment you both agreed….
6. You’re afraid of breaking up. Never go thinking to much of the negativity. Sometimes plain obsessive thoughts can make turn reality. It’s like spiritually you are asking for it to happen. My mama says that all the time and i’ve have experienced similar myself.
7. You’re dependent. No matter how in love you are with your partner, never be fully dependent on them. Have your own hobbies, friends or maybe even vehicle. God forbids, should anything happens, from break-up to death, you need to be able to stand on your own 2 feet. Some people do not like clingy halves too.
8. You excpect happiness. Stop expecting and give all you got. And when you are receiving, please reciprocate. Sometimes a simple “thank you”, “you look good”, “can we have dinner together” are nice words to receive which can make your partner happy. If s/he is more demanding than that, then i guess you need to give a little more? 🙂
9. You never fight. I use to think no fights in relationship means good. No thunderstorms and couple is always happy. but how the hell does a human do that??? Talk, argue and express…. it helps to release stress and clarify doubts and uncertainties. As long the points mention are factual and not condescending. Think before you say “I Hate You” or “Go and DIE!”.
10.You expect it to be easy/you expect it to be hard. Basically, relationship is work. You need to care for their needs and do the right thing at the right time. Well if you love your partner, all these work seems chore-less, be it easy or hard. If you start complaining about it, then i think there’s something wrong in the relationship.
Just remember, my papa says: Love will solve it all”.
I’m no expert, just sharing my experience and a reminder to myself. You can share your’s too by commenting to this thread. Thank u for reading.
nurjanna ng 